CAGED by Amber Lynn Natusch

Author:Amber Lynn Natusch [Natusch, Amber Lynn]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Fantasy
ISBN: 9780984946402
Publisher: Amber Lynn Natusch
Published: 2011-12-15T08:00:00+00:00

21

My eyes burned fiercely, yet no tears quenched them. I was beyond crying, falling straight into a sadness so penetrating that it numbed me. I remained where I lay contemplating what had just occurred. The loss of a relationship, however strange it might have been, was gut wrenching. I’d had so few in my life that I wasn’t in a position to squander them.

I was homeschooled and did virtually nothing outside of that. My parents chaperoned everything I did and never really encouraged me to make friends. I would say that I’d always had acquaintances, but never really anyone who was closer than that. I never had sleepovers, went to the movies, stayed up all night on the phone talking about boys, or dated.

I lived with my parents while I was an undergrad at Dartmouth College. Aside from classroom interaction, I really didn’t know anyone on campus or do any of the typical “college” things like get knock-down drunk only to do the walk of shame the next morning, eat pizza at four a.m. because you could, or saran wrap someone’s toilet. It was always strange to me because of their willingness to take me all over the world so that I could “see” everything, but at the same time wouldn’t let me live a normal life while at home. I missed out on the things that helped a person to shape their sense of self and their place in the world. No amount of shopping in Paris could make up for that.

Dating was never a problem. My parents wouldn’t allow it when I was in my teens, and quite frankly, it was a non-issue. There weren’t exactly throngs of teenage boys hanging around my house waiting to ask me out. I didn’t have much interest in the opposite sex until college. However, when I was there it didn’t seem like too many people were jumping at the chance to date the blind girl. It was hard to know how to fit in when so much about social interaction was based on the visual realm: how you dress, what you looked like, your hair, your makeup, your affectations, and your expressions all silently spoke volumes about you. I had never known what my style was, though my mother would allegedly take me to all the right stores and have the cutest girl there dress me. I never knew what I looked like, though my parents would constantly assure me that I looked fine. They weren’t especially helpful.

The first and only time I really took a shot at dating was during my sophomore year when I met a guy in my organic chemistry class. I was sitting in the back, trying desperately to make sense of the Fisher projections the professor was going on about, when the boy next to me leaned into my ear and said “Are you following this shit, because I’m starting to think that I need to change my major”. I giggled but didn’t reply, assuming it was rhetorical.

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